me vs. the world;

hey all :D
i've decided to move to Wordpress.com!

my new link is:

http://www.nicknicky.wordpress.com

i know i know...i've been movng for too many times!
first from Blogspot to LJ, now to Wordpress...hahaa
please bear with me. i think this may be my last move ever! ehehhe..

i'll still keep this blog open, until the day i decide to close it lol.
but it wont be updated anymore..
so....see you on Wordpress!
so long, LJ! (:

so, after a few days (or is it weeks?) of hiatus..
yours truly is BACK!

i've been too lazy to blog these few days actually..
cuz it seems that there's nothing interesting going on in my life nemore. boo hoo!
but anyway!

today i went to a small BBQ with my aunt, uncle, cousin, the guy living in my house, my bro and his gf..
wasn't too thrilled with that.
the fact that she just suddenly decide to tag along and eat (without helping with anything!) just kind of irks me.
it's like, HELLO? she wasn't even invited and she didn't even help with cleaning/cooking and all that stuff. geez!
all she did was eat. and watch while everyone's busy packing and cleaning up after the BBQ. haha. does she think she's a VIP or sth?
get a life, woman!

right now i'm not very pleased with her behaviour cuz me n my sis just dug out more about her rotten self.
she had the guts to call us 'immature illegal immigrants' behind our backs. HAH!
i found out while digging through her list of PMs on MSN.
n my sister was so pissed she copy-pasted the exact message on my bro's wall on FB LOL.

and..and btw..i hate the mosquitoes there!
i'll tell you why..



this is a photo of my arm (like DUH :P)
do you see the odd spot?

"where got?! cannot see anything leh..."
fine. i'll ZOOM it in for you..



lol you can see the hairs on my arm hahaha...
sorry if it's disturbing ><
credits to the dumbopoo mozzie for that sweet, sweet swell on my arm -.-
there's another bite on my other arm too, it got swollen as well, but not as bad as this one..
and right now, 6 hours since i got home from the BBQ, the swell has subsided a bit, but it's still red and visible T.T
it's kinda painful too if i apply pressure on the bites. huhuu woe is me sighh.

anyway! moving on..
i went to Cotton On a few days ago and fell in love with this dress.. 



yes i tried it on and camwhored with it. :P
saw it on the display mannequin and tried it on for fun.
thought it won't suit my skintone and stuff but i was surprised!
i really like it!
will definitely get it next time..before 31 May! :)

more piccas...




is it just me...or does my head really look bigger than my body? -.-



<3 it!

tomorrow imma go to this Indo festival at the city with friends :D
at night there's Mardi Gras parade too, but im not gona attend that one. too crowded!
and..i miss Singapore so much!
really wish i can fast forward the time to the day i graduate and move back there for good :))



curled my hair up for the event :)
Jen's gona curl hers too!
i'm so craving for martabak now!
pics shall be uploaded (hopefully) tomorrow xD

oh! btw..
i've been plucking out my hair extensions. by myself :D
so far i've taken out like, around 70/77 of the extension pieces. in three days *big wet eyes*
it's definitely a painful process, but it's so worth it!
(apart from dealing with random and totally scary hairfall overloads & major hair clumping, i'm doing okay :D)
my floor's totally grossed up with hair, hair and more hair!
sweeping my floor is becoming a nightmare lol.

ok i ran out of pics to upload.
so i shall stop here. hee hee
take care y'all!

xoxo

just got reprimanded by my sister.
for ACCIDENTALLY doing something wrong.

apparently i said something to my aunt about her which i'm not supposed to say.
but i totally forgot about it.
when she found out,, she gave me a harsh tongue-lashing.
hearing the words coming out from her mouth, it really hurts. 

i'm just a human being.
i do mistakes too.
you can't expect me to be perfect all the time. right?

gaaahh i forgot to update yesterday night. sorryyyy peeeps ><
anyway, today's Friday, n i have no school on Fridays :D so i'm just stoning at home now..
supposed to do my laundry but my lazy ass just wont budge out of bed..sighh
my sister say she's coming for a visit though so i'll just wait for her..

anyway, just felt like sharing this funny incident which happened yesterdaay.
i was at the pharmacy and was making my way to the cashier,
when i spotted an aisle in the corner with only one customer in the queue.
so i went there to queue up, and i accidentally saw the stuff he was purchasing, which is...
...a box of condom ~_~
and when i reached his aisle, the guy immediately snatched the box up from the counter and (clumsily) tried to hide it with his wallet & receipts. LOL.
i think he felt kinda embarrassed to be seen buying it. haha..
but for a grown, buffed-up, Mediterannean-tanned man, i didn't expect that kind of reaction at all..

school's been tiriiing~
our assigments this semester are somehow linked to one another,
and to sum it all up, we have to create a campaign for a social awareness issue, and make the various marketing products and actually do the whole thing altogether for a presentation at the end of the semester.
my group chose a really interesting topic as our subject: Anorexia nervosa :D
others are doing it on Internet censorship, Stop Swearing campaign etc.
i was put in charge of designing, so i have to design the company & campaign logo, as well as designing the pamphlet, promotional poster, campaign t-shirt etc etc etc...
gosh i can feel my brain churning when i think about all this.

wish me luck ppl!
Keke Hwaitiiiing~

it's 12am,
14th February 2009.
right, it's that time of the year again..

at this time last year, we were happily celebrating our first year being together.
through the phone and chatting on MSN.
at that time, i was so looking forward to celebrating our second year.
but i guess i have to throw away those memories now huh..
there's no more you, there's no more anniversary.

today was supposed to be our second year anniversary.
i doubt you still remember, anyway.

i even still remember Valentine's Day on 2007.
when you asked for a meet-up at Aljunied Park and surprised me with the bouquet of flower and teddy bear.
as well as the question that you asked me.
the question which changed my life.

why does it still hurt so much..

anyway, Happy Valentine's Day to each and everyone of you.
share it with your loved ones, and cherish your time together.
you never know when you will lose them.

a few weeks ago i ordered a pair of green GEO Angel circle lenses from Allan.
and they arrived on Tuesday! ^^
piccas included below :)



my new babies. tee hee :D
they look quite scary huh? i freaked out when i first saw them coz the colour is such a BRIGHT green!

so how do they look like on me?
well, wanting to know the effect these lenses can give to my eyes, i wore it on one side first..



whoah! suddenly my right eye looks..shocking? haha..

both eyes?



kyaa ^o^
pardon my puffy eyes and blemish-ridden complexion T.T
been eating too much junkies!

these photos were taken with flash btw.
and the verdict?
at first they were kinda shocking lol, coz i wasn't used to seeing my irises expand to that size.
but anyway! after a few wears, i think somehow i got used to it.
come to think of it..nobody really noticed that they were circle lenses -.- unless they have a close look into my eyes.
from afar ppl can only tell that my irises look darker than usual.
but me likey! i cant wait to check out the brown one! :D

so far i have experienced no discomfort at all wearing these lenses.
in fact, i've been falling asleep with them on for like, 2 nights??
and i experienced no red eyes and all that works, just felt a tad drying,
but easily solved with a few drops of contact lens solution (:

why green? some ppl may ask me.
well...at first i thought of getting the blue ones, but i'm afraid it wont suit me.
what about brown? hmm...but i wanted to try something new..bsides i've tried brown lenses too many times..
so i chose green! besides, my hair is reddish-toned now, so it will complement my green eyes :D

i bought these lenses from him at quite a low price.
(forgot exactly hw much though..but i remember it didn't reach USD$30 including S+H charges to Sydney!)
definitely worth checking his blogshop out if you're interested! :D

p.s: HAPPY 18th BIRTHDAY, ANGELIA!
THE ONE & ONLY PRAWN QUEEN hahahaaa XD

a parody of Big Bang's original 'Haru Haru' MV by Infinite Challenge members
(MC Yoo, Park Myung Soo, Jeon Jun Ha, Jung Hyung Don, Junjin, Noh Hong Chul & Shin Bong Seon)
also including their live performance of the song on the second part.
Park Myung Soo & MC Yoo r sooooooo funny!
*take note of the messed-up vocals, especially during those fast rapping part xD
they're officially my fave Korean gag men now. hahaa ;)
the others did a good job too.

enjoy  :)

P.S: just received a piece of bad news.
Ci Baby, may you rest in peace.
you'll always be remembered.

i am soooooo addicted to this MV/song!!
this perfectly defines the term 'sexy' for me ;))
SeungRi's all grown up & hot! that chick's pretty cool too! 
btw she's the same girl from Big Bang's 'Last Farewell' MV~
OMG i'm like hyperventilating each time i watch this video!
(gotta admit it's a tad R-rated tho...so shoo all the kiddies out before watching this! hehee)

the 'crack' part is kinda cute. hee :D
G-Dragon's rocking an absolutely fierce pair of sunnies there.
and SeungRi.....need i say more?!
*melts*

credits to Golnek RenRen for introducing me to this song~! :DD

sooo today wasn't a very good day.
because something's disturbing my mind so much that i was crying by myself just now.
however! to pinch my sulk away and as a remedy to my sombre mood, i decided to do several things which have been rotting on my to-do list!

1. paint my nails

i've always wanted to paint my nails red :)
but then i thought: CNY is over! bsides if i paint my nails like, shocking red, ppl are gonna think i'm crazy. somemore, it won't suit my skintone at all..
so to add a touch that will appeal more to seventeen-year old girls like me, i DIY-ed a cute nail art design!



please pardon the unsightly cuticles and dry skin >< been lazy to moisturise the fingers lately.
sooo yeap! this is my watermelon/strawberry/ladybug/whatever rocks your boat-inspired nail art! wheee!
but i can predict that by two days they'll be messed up already :( coz i used so many layers of polishes.

2 layers of red Missha polish
one layer of green Rimmel polish (on the tips: most fragile point~!)
one layer of black Face Shop polish (dots)
one layer of Missha top coat -.-
...5 coats!! if nails can talk, they r surely gasping for air already now~



the right hand is even messier than the left. lol~ thats y i didn't take a close-up pic of it.
the dots are painstakingly drawn using the big nail polish brush (cuz i dont have the nail art pen T.T)
but still, they turn out messy and ugly~ hahahaa...
'bo pian' lah.

ok next next!

2. trim my eyebrows

i thought of going to Benefit's Brow Bar at Myer someday to have my brows waxed, but have been delaying on and on till todayy.
but since i was uber bored today, i decided to DIY (again!)
so i grabbed my trusty ol' tweezers and started tweezing awayy~
tweeze~ tweeze~ tweeze~ (with lots of 'ouch'es in between)
...done!

and OMG I HAVE NEVER BEEN SO PROUD OF MY EYEBROWS BEFORE *big wet eyes*
usually if i tweeze my own brows i'll end up getting them uneven (i.e. left brow thicker/shorter/higher than right brow)
however! a miracle happened today! they both turned out even (well, not perfect, but it's not that noticeable!)

 
so my brows went from this hot hairy mess...to...



ta-daaah!
hehe sorry for the stupid-looking grin on my face (and the unclear complexion) lol.
please don't come and tell me there's no difference ok??!!
if not, i'll cry big fat juicy tears and it's all gonna be ur fault. BOO HOO.
(heard this phrase somewhere but can't remember. teehee)

anyways, they look kinda weird especially with the flash.
but in real life i tell you it's so much better!
complements my round face perfectly :DD i couldn't be happier..
the only gripe is that the left brow is a pinch higher than the right. but it's not that noticeable!
i just saved myself $25 and i'm so proud i did it myself!
i deserve a kiss on the forehead! and a huge warm bear hug! wheeee~ xD

3. mask-ed my face

i've been wanting to re-try the cucumber mask i bought from The Face Shop in Indo back on September.
and so i did!
it was fun..and my face felt a bit more refreshed and smoother too :)
didn't take piccas coz i reckon many readers r gonna faint seeing my face all gooped up in mask like that.



a combo of my strawberry/watermelon/blablabla nail art & brows ^^
don't ask me why one of my eyes is green.
i have extraordinary genes :)) 

thats all i did today ^0^
& my mood's so much better now, so yeah the things that i did helped alot to cheer me up ^^
anyways i decided to erase my strawberry/watermelon/ladybug/whatever rocks your boat-inspired nail art off my nails
T__________________T
WHY?? coz even as i'm typing now, four green tips are already failing on me :((
oh well, i'm not in the mood for dainty fingers anyway, so it's okaaay :D
besides it won't be healthy for my nails to stay under that 5 layers of polishes for days o_O
nvm! i'll go to bangkok and get a nice, cheap and more professional nail art someday!! wheeeee!

toodles y'all!
:)

so yesterday i came home from the city at around 9pm.
i tried to connect to the internet. but failed to do so.
coz the network can't be detected or sth like that.

so i asked my aunt whether she tried to restart the modem or switched it off.
she replied me in such an irritating tone.
here is our exact conversation (in indon):

me: "ciuma, ciuma ada matiin ato restart internet modemnya ga? nicke tadi coba connect ke internet tapi ga bisa lho"
her: "knapa harus matiin internet? kan internet ga pernah dimatiin. nyala terus koq"
me: "ga tau tuh. nicke coba connect tapi ga bisa jaa"

ok i shrugged it off. cooked my dinner
(which she's supposed to prepare but she didn't. my mom paid money for her to do so!)
and went back to my room.
and guess what.
she called me out to my bro's room, told me to sit on the bed while she herself sit on the chair opposite me, and closed the door.
in other words she cornered me luh.

then she started blabbing on and on about some weird pointless stuff which honestly i don't understand.
she said my attitude has changed and it's wrong for me to ask whether she has turned off the internet (????)
well perhaps she thought the way i asked it is like accusing her of switching off the internet.
but i asked it politely luh!! i wasn't even accusing her or anything! she was the one who started giving the irritating tone!

then she also said some stuff about how my mom paid money for my cousin to finish her degree.
and said to me that if someone asked me to lie, i shouldn't lie.
and said that she hates it when i stay in my room all day -.-
and all that crazy shiz which i totally don't understand. AT ALL.

through this confrontation, i can only presume three things:
- she accused me of lying to her about various stuff (which is totally untrue. i was honest all the time to her)
- she is trying to brainwash me into telling her if anyone said bad things about her (which she failed miserably btw)
- she is clearly delusional and has some kind of severe attitude problem.

throughout the whole time when she was blabbing, i was giving her this 'what-the-hell' look on my face.
coz really, i don't understand the point of having that conversation. i don't even get what she's talking about!
and because of her, my instant noodles has turned cold when i ate them.

i always knew that my aunt dislikes my eldest brother.
and once, she threatened to call the police if he ever comes to the house again.
and once also said that if he ever parks his car on her frontyard again he has to pay $20.
tell me what kind of aunt does that to her own nephew? well, at least to her husband's nephew?

she said she knows everything.
haha. very funny. all she does is accuse and presume, and she thinks she's right?
rubbish. who will ever believe her?
honestly, i am ashamed to call her an aunt.

i'm not like your 7-year old daughter. i am a grown up and can decide by myself what i want to do when i'm at home. thank you very much.
so what if i want to stay holed up in my room all day? it's my choice. not yours.
i so can't wait to move out  of this place and stop dealing with all this crazy nonsense.

you treat me like a piece of old toy.
played with it, got bored, no use anymore, throw away.

i'm sorry, i can't help thinking like this,
if this is how you chose to treat me now.

...and i spent the day literally glued onto my bed. seriously!
all i did today was lazing around on the bed, surfing through Facebook, eating dinner (on the bed too -.-), showering, and surfing the net some more..
planned to do laundry and some spring cleaning today, but i guess that has to wait until tomorrow. hahaha..
if there's an award for the best procrastinator i should definitely be nominated for that..aishh

ohh! actually, i did something different todayy :D

 

did you notice any difference? yes? no? maybe?
well, maybe not coz i havent uploaded any new photos of myself since that time when i just got my new bangs ><
but anyways! today i trimmed my fringe...by myself!
i thought about having it done in the hair studio cuz apart from the massive breakouts i'm dealing with right now (i hate you, hormones!), i don't really need another piece of fiasco sitting on top of my forehead..
but then i thought again...since the economy sucks so much right now, might as well save a couple of bucks and do a lil' bit of D.I.Y..
besides if i choose to go to the salon like every month just to maintain the bangs how much money will i waste??
omg! i'd rather use all those extra moolah to shop!

but but...i'm surprised! the results weren't as shitty as i thought it would be!
well...it's a little bit lopsided..but its not that obvious, aye?
*pats self on the back* :D

before the cut, it was so long that it almost reached my cheekbones alreadyy -.-
now that i've cut it, it feels so much lighter! and i don't look like shaggy dog nemore! yay! 

oh, speaking about hair, i realise something..
my hair's been fallin out in chunks nowadays...it's scary T.T
i've been watching too much of Big Bang's Haru Haru MV where a girl character supposedly had cancer (or some other illness which caused her hair to fall out also) and its scaring me more now lol..
today i've picked up like 3 gunks of hair already..it's sooo gross okay! omg!
*just spotted another gunk of hair*
sigh.......

 meanwhile, a fix of Isabella :D



my niece and her favourite pacifier!
i think she was like, "yi yi, what are you doing?" ahaha..
she tried to eat my phone once! but come to think of it, she tries to eat everything. i think mayb coz she's teething now..



and..a papparazzi shot of her taking her afternoon nap! :P
she grew up so fast..it seems just a while ago when she was born.
now she's starting to recognize people and gives you full attention when you're talking to her :D

i seldom see Soren (my nephew) nowadays..but bumped into him and his mom while out with my sister the other day..
he has a full set of teeth now! omg so cute! hahaha..
didnt manage to take photos though cuz his mom was rushing..
but that will come next time :) hehehe..

ok it's like, 3.30am now and i still can't sleep..
will find something else to do. or mayb try to sleep. hahaha

toodles!
xoxo  

took a quiz recommended by Huizin.
and here's my results...

What is your True Fear? Your Result: Being Alone   While you may act like you don't care on the outside, on the inside your biggest fear is being alone. You can be quite shy and reserved. You feel like a lot of times people don't really see the real you. You're afraid that no one will really truly love you, and that you will be alone for the rest of your life. On the inside you are great person, so just remember that and don't let your shy nature get the best of you! If you don't want to be a lone then you need to make an effort to be with someone. Show the people that you care about that you really love them, and chances are someone will always be there, even if you think they won't.
Losing Someone
Disappointment
Looked down on
Where Your life is Going
Death
Commitment

i personally think the results are quite accurate..Huizin thinks so too when she got hers!
in fact, i hate it when i'm left alone in my house..
well the only thing that i like about it is that i can sing out loud without worrying that anyone would hear me.
but apart from that, i hate to be left alone anywhere.

losing someone is next on my list...
well i dunno which one should come first cuz i admit losing someone is one of my greatest fears..
whether it's a family member (touchwood), a special someone (yes everyone knows who it is), friends or even a pet.
i duno, i just cant handle it very well..

looked down on...yeah im afraid of that too hahaha..
but thats not so much of a problem

and btw, commitment is like at the bottom of the list??
i'm surprised..coz it's true!
i can safely say that i dont have any fear towards commitment. in fact, im always searching for it.
well..if i think that a serious relationship is in the works for me, i'm not afraid to commit to it..
just like during the 1yr9months we had.
but sadly, i guess it's not the same case for you. haha..

anyways, a little bit of update..
the last day of semester 3 is over! i'm finally free from uni for a month!
i'm sooooo relieved now!

next thing imma do is build up my updated resume and go job-hunting!
cant wait to start earning my own moolah...
..and go to Jamberoo when everything's settled! hahaha!

time for a break :)
ciaos

this song has been on repeat mode on my iPod for quite some time..
the MV is so touching, isn't it?

my playlist's growing with more and more Korean songs instead of English ones xD

anyway, i'm still very busy dealing with assignments and projects for now..
im gonna be free for my one month holiday starting next Saturday!
but when that time comes i'll be concentrating on applying for jobs though..
so it may take quite some time until i post another entry on this blog again..

today i went to meet Golnek RenRen, watched Yes man in the city, ate Pepper Lunch (yup they have it in here!) and then went over to Golnek's house..
...to see her new LCD TV lol hahaha..
but her house layout has changed a bit since that time when i stayed over at her place..its more 'homey' now! hehehe

also, i've been watching this Japanese comedy variety show on Youtube.
it's called 'Do Not Laugh' and it's omgsodamnfunnyyy...
it's like, there are 4 characters and they are supposed to go to a venue and stay there for 24 hours.
but once they stepped inside they are not supposed to laugh..
while at the same time, comedians are hired to act and make them laugh with jokes or silly actions..
if by any chance they laugh or even smile, a "severe punishment" will be carried out immediately,and it varies depending on the venue..
i like the High School version the most..it's the funniest by far xDD
go watch if you're bored! hehehe..

ok shall update another time! ciao!
hope everyone's doing well..

i was listening to '1 Minute 1 Second' by Epik High on Youtube..
and before i knew it...i was crying.


to those who wants to check out the song..

im amazed at how this song really fits my situation now.
especially the last part..where you can hear Taru, the female voice singing.
i catch a glimpse of myself in each part of this song.
and btw, i love the MV. it was shot with reverse frames :) very creative..

but..
can we make the memories back?
can we turn back?
i'm still waiting for those questions to be answered.

i wish you know how painful it is to get through every single day of my life now.
yeah. i wish.
you will never understand.

sine this is my very first post in year 2009, i'll just post a little Happy New Year shoutout to everyone of my readers :)
may 2009 be a much more blessed and better year than sucky 2008.

i shall try my best to recap 20 of my various experiences during the past year:
no pictures...sorry! i really wanted to chuck some in but im too lazy =/ besides the uploader takes eons -.-

1. moved to a new place. new country. experienced 'uni environment', if you know what i mean ^^

2. talked to an 'ang-moh' casually, without having those weird feelings (like what always happened back in Singapore!)

3. woke up late for school countless times >< this never happened before back in Indo/Singapore! oh well, blame it on the distance from my house to the city (takes 20mins) as well as the sucky bus services in Sydney! gah! a bus takes THISLOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOONGGGGGGGGGG to arrive!

4. got approached by a stranger who asked me for 'a wank'. MORE THAN ONCE. one of those scumbags even tried to steal my cream puffs when i was eating them! i want to smack his face.  

5. built my own resume, and applied for jobs! have yet to receive a reply though >< gonna apply for more soon.

6. spent Christmas together with a dear friend. watched Madagascar and laughed our asses off. afterwards, ate Chicken Udon at Kura and slept over at her place :D oh yes! fell in love with Chicken Udon! i wanna learn how to cook it!

7. killed 3 cockroaches. BY MYSELF..boy im so proud!!

8. put all my effort into a relationship. failed. learnt what love is all about. fell so hard. still picking up the pieces. but grew to be more mature mentally and emotionally :) i'll be a better partner in the future :) 

9. punched a stranger in the face (accidentally). it was her fault though! long story.

10. learnt how to bottle-feed, bathe, properly carry, change nappies and put a baby to sleep :DD in fact yesterday, i just learnt how to sterilize the milk bottles using a sterilizer yesterday! maternal instincts all hyped up to the max!

11. witnessed my own appetite increase to that of a caveman's, up to the point that im eating the largest portion of food in the house. but instead of gaining, i'm losing weight. peculiar.

12. experienced first date and first kiss all over again, after so many months of not seeing each other :)

13. grew attached to my boyfriend ex's family, other than my own..

14. got BOMBARDED with countless assignments and deadlines from school..my tutors have no hearts, i tell you. especially Julia Kalytis.

15. oh, how could i forget! watch the Sydney NYE fireworks..im not much of a firework enthusiast tho..so doesnt make any difference honestly. hahaha

16. realised that girls who got their hearts broken so deeply, all have the same feelings and thinking. it almost felt like we are mutual sisters or something like that. that connection bonded us together :)

 17. did not touch Maths AT ALL for the year :DDDDD oh! and also...no exams! just assignments ^^

18. slept at insane ungodly hours on a regular basis..im surprised i have not completely turned into a panda..

19. celebrated my sweet seventeenth birthday party. it was fun, but the only thing that ruined it? my hairstyle (i asked for straight but they curled it!) and makeup (too thick. foundie shade didnt match. 'nuff said). i felt like a clown on that night. that i didnt feel like taking many photos. hence the lack of piccas. (and btw, many people still gave me soft toys -.- i got confused what to do with so many plushies that i gave some away >< but i appreciate them!)

20. the whole Soendjaja Surjadi clan (including yours truly) got stressed with my bro's problems with his problematic girlfriend, and her even more problematic family. for once, i am TRULY disappointed with my brother's actions...why? they freaking lied through their teeth in front of me!

ok there are probably more but these are just those on top of my head..
will update next time! xoxo

still waiting for the day when happiness will come knocking at my door :)

..and i should say, i'm quite disappointed.
no miracle happened to me.
unlike my friend Marshely, who got the answer to her prayers..
i'm happy for her, but seriously, i cant help but think, what about me?

well...actually, a miracle did happen days before Christmas
a small, tiny one.
but it was gone...right on the last few hours of Christmas day
:(

sigh..woe is me.

anyway, i spent a lot of money on Christmas and Boxing Day,
and now i feel guilty ><
here's a list of my loot from those two days (and today)

- sunglasses from Forecast
- 3/4 Voodoo leggings from Myer
- MAC Blot Powder
- long skirt/tube dress from SES
- new lingerie from Myer :DDD
- black stilettos from De Lourve mc
- dress from Dangerfield, shirt from YD & Revlon liquid eyeliner (for ppl's Xmas presents)

actually there are only a few things i bought..
but in total i think i spent more than $100 on all these stuff T.T
sigh..why are things so bloody expensive in Sydney!
now my poor wallet has more receipts rather than cash -.-

and...none of the things i bought are listed in the Christmas wishlist i posted on the previous few entries.
hahahahahahaa xDD

so far, the only Christmas presents i have received are from my brother and his gf.
they bought me a Supre cardigan and shoes by this brand calles 'Human'...never heard of it.
but oh well! i'm thankful! ^^
and i got them presents too!

been staying over at my sister's and Aurel's place in the city..
thats y i havent been online and updating ^^
watched 'The Doll Master' and 'The Grudge' todayy with my sister
omg. so scared now luhh. how am i gonna sleep alone T.T

anyways, gtg now!
will update next time.. :) xoxo

暧昧让人受尽委屈
找不到相爱的证据..

you're no longer waiting.
another spark of hope heartlessly put out.

finally, you made it clear that you're single.
and ready to mingle?
i guess so, huh..

after all these while, i'm still very confused about what you really want.

if we were to meet on the streets, there are so many questions that i would like to ask..
but i can see that the first one i want you to answer would be:
"do you still love me?"
no matter how cliched and shameful it would sound like.
call me stupid. call me idiotic. i don't care.
thats all i want to know.

on the day that we broke up,
just to let yourself off me, you said to me that i was fine without you in my life before.
well..it's true. i was indeed living well and happily before you came along.
but that was when i did not know what love is all about.

love.
a simple word, which countless people have misinterpreted and underestimated.
when you used to tell me that you loved me, my heart would skip a beat.
and i would have those butterflies-in-the-tummy feeling.
before you became a part of me, i treated love as if it's nothing important.
now? i shudder everytime i hear the word in my ears.

but..
where is the love that we used to share?
why is it so easily lost, after all that we havw gone through together?
what does it truly mean to you?

last night...
that feeling of rejection came back.
in the form of a dream.

i was ostracized by your family.
your parents..hurled accusations at me. for something that i did not do.
when i saw you, you were lying down on a bed, sleeping ever so peacefully
as if what happened around you was not important.
when i tried to lie down beside you, you flinched, and turned away..
but that was before i saw your eyes fluttering slightly and catching a glimpse of mine...then i woke up.

is that the slightest ray of hope i have now?
even if it really is, i'll hold on to it.
yes i'm stubborn like that.

now, all the things that you do, they are just hurting me.
but never have i even thought of giving up on you.
 
that spark of hope relights.

it's love.
it's stronger than what you think.

so, don't play play.

 im finally blogging again! yee ha!
i've been busy with essays and assignments for the past week and now i'm glad to say im on my 2-weeks break for now! 
soo i'm using my time to relax and have fun :D

i've been staying over at Golnek RenRen's since Friday, so i hvnt been online..
it's been fun i must say! yesterday went to the city with her and her sister, and also with two of their friends..
we sang Karaoke for like two hours, and then went over to Madang for a Korean dinner..
today imma go and watch Twilight with Golnek! like, finally!
haha i dont even know anything about the story but oh well..just wanna know what the hype's all about ;)

and today i cooked pancakes for breakfast! yayy!
im so proud of myself luh hahahaa
and Golnek helped me too, so credits to her as well :D
i shall post pictures of our creations next time!

currently waiting for Golnek to finish showering so i can have my turn!
she's like blasting DBSK's Mirotic in the shower..-.-
ok then imma stop here for now coz Golnek's lappie is running out of bat!
toodles y'all!

dear someone..i hope you're stil the same person that i fell in love with...
don't change.
and please stop confusing me with your behaviour. i can't take it.